(dramatic music) – Please settle
down, settle down. Yes, the rumors are true
the boy is still missing. I know we all want him back, but we still have
a handful of leads, I will now go to the
press for any questions. – Hi, Chett Ripley, MSNBC.
Is the boy’s father a suspect? – We cannot comment on the
suspect list at this time. Uh, yes? – Hey man, how’s it going,
Bob Newman, Buzzfeed News. – Right, I should
say this right now, we are treating
blogs as news now so they are allowed in
the pressroom, go ahead. – Yeah, would you
say that this case is something only kids from
the 90’s would understand? – No. – Cupcakes and Cashmere
lifestyle blog, my coffee is too hot,
will you blow on it? – Next question. – Hunter Chuckman,
Alaskan Salmon Daily, does this case have anything
to do with Alaskan Salmon? – No! – Branson Rothchild,
ShippersDelight.tumblr.com. – Okay… – Are you and the boys father
crushing on each other? – Are we crushing on each other? I don’t know what that–
no, no we’re not crushing. – But I have pages of fan art
that would suggest otherwise, so this is you– – We’re not talking about fan– we’re talking about– this is, guys, we need
serious questions! This is a serious situation. – Bloop bloop bloop!
– Oh, boy. Seymour Glass with
BananaFish.boink. I represent an online
humorous magazine, that caters mostly to
weirdos in basements, what is your fart? – I don’t know
what, I don’t know how to answer that question. – James Franco for
James Franco’s Instagram, ou- t Jaofme hs erFrean
t cor – Get outta here James Franco! This is what I’m
talking about alright! A child is missing, I need
serious questions, please! – Hunter Chuckman, does
now the case have anything to do with Alaskan salmon? – It has nothing to do
with Alaskan Salmon! – No more dead cops! [crowd cheers] – That’s from The Dark Knight. – Why won’t Hollywood
cast Jessica Biel anymor – Continuity.com,
this lady is now sitting where that lady was
sitting earlier. – 40 year old
Splurchin.com. – BigBootyMILFS.hellyeah. – TwoBestBuds.com! – FingerBlast.gov. – FugeddaBoutIt.com! 9/11 was an inside job! – Goddamit, shut up! (audience talking loudly) – Shut up, shut up, shut up! Now listen to me, I
understand that this is where the press is
headed, but if you guys can’t take a
situation seriously, how are we supposed
to take you seriously? Now does anybody in this room have an actual
question, what is it? – Where was the boy last seen? – Thank God you’re here. The boy was last seen at
the Sunshine Cafe eating a, I wanna make sure
I get this right, bagel with… Alaskan Salmon. – Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Well, golly, golly,
that’s the scoop!