– Have you heard me talk about
my new Ellen slot machines? [cheers and applause]
All right. They’re fun, you can win
a whole lot of money, and they’re in a bunch
of casinos right now. In honor of my new slots, two of my writers,
Kevin and Lauren, went to Las Vegas
to find me a birthday present. They went all out for me. They went to
the Aria Resort & Casino. It’s a five-star,
five-diamond resort right in the heart
of The Strip. Let’s see what they got me. [upbeat music] – Good evening.
Welcome to Aria. How are you today?
– Checking in tonight. – Okay.
– We just got engaged. – Oh, congratulations. – Is there any kind
of upgrade we could do if we just got engaged and we’re, like,
so in love with each other? – Love with each other. – Let me go ahead and check.
Congratulations. – Thank you so much.
– We got engaged. – We can’t keep our little
paws off each other, so if we could get an upgrade
that would be wonderful. – Okay, anything else
that I can assist you with? – No, we are in love,
and we are engaged forever. – And ever. We’re on a mission. – They gave us this much money to buy Ellen DeGeneres
a birthday present. – She’s gonna get
the best present. – Ever. We’re gonna shop all night.
– Yeah. – We should stay hydrated. – Cheers.
– To Ellen. – Yay. – Craig, do you wanna hear
a fun fact? – Yes, sir. – Lauren can fit
one of them ice balls in her mouth right now. [laughs] – We have to stay on track and
get Ellen her birthday present. – After this one.
– In a second, in one second. – She would really like this.
– Mm-hmm. – But the problem is, like, why get a couples massage
if we’re so far apart? You know? – Yeah, mm-hmm. Oh, God, no! – I can’t believe
on our engagement… – Hello.
Welcome to Tom Ford. – Hi. I’m Lauren.
– Lovely to meet you. – Nice to meet you. – Just so you know,
we are not engaged. Ellen wouldn’t want us
to be in these rags for her birthday show. – No, this is disgusting.
This is–No, not at all. [rock music] – Thank you for making me
look so much better than her. – See you later. Bye. – But seriously, we do need
to get Ellen a present. – We have $300 left.
– Okay. All right, that’s plenty. Okay, we’re shopping for
a gift for our boss. – Oh, my gosh,
that’s so pretty. – Oh, that’s beautiful. How much for this one? – This one’s 5,700. – Okay.
– Okay. – We will think about that one.
– Sure. – [singing]
Well, I need a dollar, dollar Dollar is what I need. – Put it down, put it down,
put it down, put it down. – [singing]
Dollar is what I need. – Gorgeous. I think she would
really like that. – This one is 146,000. Yes. – [singing]
It’s been a long old trouble. – Looky, looky! – Come on, Ellen!
– No Whammies! Whoo-hoo! – Oh, my gosh, we can buy her
the nicest stuff. – Oh, my. This is exactly
what we needed. Should I cash out
or keep going? – Keep going!
– Keep going! [whispered]
I made a mistake. [bell chimes] – Hey, guy. – Hello, I’m Jason, your butler.
How are you? – Hi, Jason.
Thank you for coming. – How are you?
– Good. What can I do for you? – Jason, we know something that’s gonna make Ellen
really happy, and we have an idea.
– Okay. – [inaudible whispering] – Absolutely.
Let me make that happen. – Thank you.
– Thank you! Wanna kiss?
– Just a hug. – Okay.
– We did it. [cheers and applause] – I love them so much. So here’s what they
were whispering about. Kevin and Lauren know
that what makes me happy is making all of you happy. So for my birthday
you’re all gonna try Aria’s amazing
bars and restaurants with world-class chefs, two tickets to Aria’s
Cirque du Soleil show, $300 of free play
for my Ellen slot machines, and a three-day,
two-night stay at the Aria Resort & Casino. – [singing]
A little less conversation A little more action please All this aggravation Ain’t satisfactioning me A little more bite,
and a little less bark. – We’ll be back. – [singing]
Close your heart And open up your heart
and baby satisfy me Satisfy me, baby.