-Presidential candidate,
Mike Bloomberg came under fire yesterday for some
truly strange tweets, in which his campaign
manufactured fake quotes from Bernie sanders,
praising various dictators throughout history. Here’s one where Bernie
supposedly praises Vladimir Putin by saying
Vladimir Putin is willing to poison anyone who disagrees with
him but have you seen how that guy looks without his
shirt, mm, delish. And here is one where sanders
supposedly praises Syria’s Bashar Al Assad saying, “Look,
we all know Bashar Al Assad has committed countless war
crimes against his own people, but let’s not forget how he
introduced paper recycling to reduce municipal waste.” So when you think about it, he’s
really kind of a hero. And then pretty much inevitably,
here’s another tweet where the Bloomberg campaign
had to explain by saying to be clear,
all of these for satire. A series events that brings us
to a segment we call “hey!” [ Cheers and applause ] Hey, Mike Bloomberg you’re bad
at social media and that’s fine, nobody expects
a 78-year-old billionaire to kill it on Twitter,
the only thing a 78-year-old man is supposed to do on Twitter
is mistake it for Google. And hey, if you have to explain
that something is satire then you’re also bad at satire. That’s like sexting someone
and then following it up with, this is supposed to
make you horny. [ Laughter ] And you know, in general, I
would just stay away from satire since you’re not exactly known
for your comedy stylings. Here you are at a show
in New York City in 2007, you know,
when you were still a Republican doing a Mary Poppins parody
and joking about how you were going to run for president. -I’ll tell you where I’m going.
-Oh, beautiful, Michael. First Iowa, then New Hampshire. Maybe I can get the whole
country to behave. -Rough.
[ Laughter ] I have seen middle school plays
with better acting. That performance was so bad,
Dick Van Dyke saw it and endorsed Bernie. [ Laughter ] Also this year,
he didn’t even make it to Iowa and New Hampshire,
you know who did, Bernie and he won and he didn’t
even need a magic umbrella. I don’t use umbrellas,
I have one free poncho I got at Woodstock 50 years ago,
that’s it. You make a poncho last.
[ Cheers and applause ] And hey, you know,
In general for all of you, it’s never a great plan
to try to be the funny candidate I mean, we already had a
candidate who tried that. And it did not work. -I don’t know who created
Pokémon Go, but I try to figure out how we
get them to have Pokémon go to the polls. [ Laughter ] -Mike Bloomberg saw that
and said, “Well, I’ll never have her natural comic timing.”
[ Laughter ] But maybe with practice
I can get close. And hey,
now’s not the time for focusing on bad jokes to get to
the White House, it’s time for focusing on
getting a bad joke out of the White House. This has been “Hey!”
[ Cheers and applause ]