Now… On with the Show! I killed Snoke. I’ll kill you My boy… I made Snoke! The might of the final order will soon be ready. It will be yours if you do as I… I already have everything I need! I’m supreme leader! Duh! But I will give you NEW ships! Hidden beneath the ice! Mmmm! Complete with RED HELMETS! Oooooo! Red Helmets! So scary! Makes them so much better! We also have death star lasers… Is that? Is that enough? Oh! Come on man! OH no! We’re sinking! Yeah! If only one of us could lift heavy objects with their mind! Oh right! Rey, I never told you… Force! You were saying? Nothing. I’m just a lonely space snaaaaaake. Rey! What! It’s Kylo Ren! I am aware of that! Kylo Ren! He’s out there with Rey! You got a blaster! Do something about it! Oh right! Wooo! Who are you?! Chewy you’re saved! Oh he’s not even here. Rey! They got Chewy! In the other ship! Okay, Finn! Thanks! ReeeEEEEEEEEY! What a… what are you doing there 3PO? Taking one last look, sir… At my friends. There’s R2… Chewbacca… Master Luke… General Organa… and Lando Calrissian! What? Not us? Oh goodness! Of course not you! I hardly know you! And most of the time you’re rude to me! If I weren’t such a good companion… I would delete that stupid Sith translation right out of my memory banks out of spite! Yes! You know what? Let’s see how you like it! Just you see how far you get without me! I am C 3 P O! Human Cyborg Relations! Peace out, Banthas! Translation deleted. Hey heeeeey! Well poodoo. Whooo! Sir, an assault team has landed on our hull! Jam their speeders! They aren’t using speeders, sir! They’re using… Space horses! Really? Now this is pod racing! Oh come on! Aaaaaaagh! Hold on! You can use the force AND hold a lightsaber after you’re dead?! Yes… Why? You are coming with me! hee hee… What? Okay let’s take it from the top! When they get here I really want to impress them! So be extra spooky okay? Really go for it! One and a two and a… [sith singing] No! Nope! Bryan! Stop! Bryan, you’re pitchy! It’s rama ha ha ma ra haaaaa and you’re going ra ma ha ma ha ra haaaa! You see the difference? Okay! Again! It’s over, Palpatine! Oh she’s here! Ready? Raaaa ma haaaaa oh forget it. You ruined my entrance, Bryan! You don’t get to just show up at the last second and take back what you already lost! Oh I’m afraid I can! If you strike me down. My spirit will be passed on into you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa What a conundrum! Oh I’m not going to strike you down… They are. Hello there! Well well well. Sup Palpatine? You’re more shriveled than I expected. Jedi spanking will you have! What are they going to do? Nag me to death from beyond the grave? I’m with you too! Hey guys, sorry I’m late. I am not concerned about two self proclaimed jedi… and a bunch of ghosts! You get a lightsaber! and you get a lightsaber! And you don’t need a lightsaber! And you get a lightsaber!
What is this? How are you doing that? I’m using the force to grab objects anywhere in the universe… I’m surprised you didn’t know that was possible. Well that is just stupid! I suppose next you’re going to tell me… That I can use the force to heal wounds! Oh you can! [gasp] My grandaughter is so powerful! [gaaaasp!] You have a grandaughter!?!? Oh no! You stop it! This is so exciting! We gotta tell everybody! Hey Sith Spirits! Ignore him! Have you heard the news?! Palps is a grand pappy! Eeeeh Shut up! Palpatine got busy? I don’t want to think about it.
Hey Snoke torsos! HEy! Rrrrr Enough! Hmmm Lost their touch, someone has. Hmmhmhmhm! This has gotten ridiculous! Jedi huddle! We’ll take him together. One epic beat down. No I’m taking him now! Anakin, no! Yes… wait what are you doing? Put me down! Rey! The jedi are taking over! Sith Spirits! Do something! Blasted, Bryan! Execute order: Fall and go SPLAT! AaaaAAAAAAaaaaaagh! Yes! Chosen one! Well that was… anticlimactic. HAHAHA ha ha ha ha haaaaaa Oh you can’t be serious. Foolish Jedi! I have died before! I am the Sith! And I can not be defeated… Ough! Aaagh. Hey Dad! Look what I can do! Ow! I learned it by watching you! That’s my boy! Oh.. I’m afraid… My body is still quite operational. Now’s our chance! Get him! Aaagh! Taste the lightsaber! That’s for the younglings! This is for my mom! Yeaaaaah! That’s what I’m talking about! And stay dead! [making out] That feel out of nowhere to anyone else? Who are you? I’m Rey. Rey who? Rey-venge of the Sith! Oh dear! Mwaahahahahahaaaaaa! Aaagh! Bow before your empress! Aaagh! Dark Side! And that is what happened. No it isn’t! yeah you exploded yourself with lightening! No I… no I didn’t! I’m pretty sure you did. Nope! My spirit is now one with my granddaughter! He’s in denial isn’t he? Everyone get out!