-You guys,
I’m excited about this. Tyler Perry is my guest tonight. [ Cheers and applause ] Tyler is so busy,
not only is he here now, but he also played every
Democrat at tonight’s debate. -Really?
-Very impressive. That’s right.
Earlier tonight in Iowa was the first Democratic debate
of 2020. Of course,
the top candidates are still Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders,
and Elizabeth Warren. Can we see them? They look like a ’60s folk band that reunited
for one final tour. [ Laughter and applause ] ♪ The answer, my friend,
is blowing in ♪ ♪ Little Jacky paper ♪ [ Laughter ] Actually, I think Joe Biden
was a little confused about which TV program
he was on. Check out his podium. Yeah, no. Wrong show, Joe. A lot of people criticized
the fact that all six candidates on stage
were white. But I think it might explain
who sponsored tonight’s debate. Watch this. -Tonight’s Democratic debate is brought to you by
Dockers khakis. Now with extra pleats. Oatmilk — turn anything into
milk, and white people buy it. Subaru, perfect for driving
your kids, Noah and Charlotte. HGTV — it’s B.E.T.
for white people. And, of course, the Oscars. [ Audience ohs ] [ Cheers and applause ] And tonight everyone
was focused on Bernie Sanders
and Elizabeth Warren after Bernie reportedly told her a woman can’t win
the presidency. Most Americans disagree, while every Oscar voter
sided with Bernie. -Really? -I’m surprised Bernie
said that to Warren. You think he would have
learned his lesson after he said
the same thing to Cleopatra. [ Laughter ] But at tonight’s debate,
it was freezing in Iowa with temperatures
reaching 14 degrees. Democrats said they hadn’t
seen numbers that low since Bill de Blasio
was in the race. [ Laughter and applause ] Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ] Seriously, it was so cold, all the candidates shrunk to
the size of Pete Buttigieg. -Really?
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
It was so cold, Joe Biden’s teeth were
chattering on his nightstand. [ Laughter ] Hey, I want to say
congrats to the — -[ Laughing ] What? -That’s how cold it was.
-Yeah, yeah. It was a cold one. [ Laughter ] -I want to say congrats
to the LSU Tigers on winning the college football
national championship. [ Cheers and applause ] Congratulations. Last night they beat Clemson. And today classes
at LSU were canceled. The only thing more empty than
an LSU classroom is the movie theater
showing “Cats.” Wait, what?
[ Audience ohs ] -Dang.
-I saw that LSU’s Heisman-winning quarterback
Joe Burrow threw for five touchdown passes
last night. Yeah, on one hand — Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] On one hand, he’s the best
player in college football. On the other,
he’s one step closer to playing for the Bengals. [ Laughter ] President Trump was at the big
championship last night. And this was cool. The referees actually used
his tie to measure first downs. -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -That’s right. Trump and Melania
were at the game, and they were seen
chatting with Vince Vaughn. Take a look. -Yeah. So everyone’s been — everyone’s been wondering what
Vince Vaughn said to Trump. Well, we actually were able to
enhance the audio. [ Laughter ] And we have it for you now.
Here, check this out. -I had an amazing breakfast
today. -What did you have? -Let’s see, I had a quarter cup
of prune juice. -Uh-huh.
-Yeah. And an unfrosted Pop-Tart.
-I need to try that. But can I use a different juice? -Apple juice works.
-What? -Apple juice should work well,
too. -Terrific.
-Hey, your fly is down. -Thank you, Mr. President. [ Laughter and applause ] -Wow. -Amazing we got that audio.
-Wow, thank gosh. [ Applause ] -Well, you guys, last night was another great episode of
“The Bachelor.” We love it here and —
[ Cheers and applause ] Yeah.
The biggest story was the drama between Kelsey and Hannah Ann. Did you see what went down? Apparently, Kelsey had brought
a bottle of champagne from her home in Iowa
that she wanted to save for a special moment with Peter,
the Bachelor. But Hannah Ann opened it
with him instead. Hannah Ann opened it.
[ Audience oohs ] [ Laughter ] Take a look. Take a look. -Hey, I have to say something.
It’s not okay what you did. I set this up. I brought this bottle
from Des Moines. Don’t try to play dumb. -I didn’t know. -[Bleep]
You knew. [ Bleep ]
-I didn’t. -Tammy just went over here
and told me. -Bring Tammy here.
-Literally. -Because this was my thing.
I set all this up. -I had no idea.
I would have never done that. -I’ve had this —
-I had no idea. -Oh, my God. [ Laughter ] -Yep. Iowa champagne. Or as it’s also known,
Budweiser. [ Laughter and applause ]
-Hey! -I brought it from my home. [ Laughter ] Kelsey really
couldn’t catch a break ’cause when she finally got to
share some champagne with Peter, it didn’t go too well.
Watch this. -We can drink from the bottle.
-Is that okay? -Yeah.
-Okay. -I’m not a classy bitch
all the time, so it’s fine. -There we go. Alright, sure. Oh! [ Laughter and applause ] -Whoa!
-Oh. -Right then she made history as
the first “Bachelor” contestant to be bad at drinking
right there. [ Laughter ] This is going viral. A couple in the Philippines
just held their wedding ceremony right in front of
an active volcano. Check this out. Look at this. Oh, my goodness.
[ Audience ohs ] Even worse, the bride
had just thought, “God, if this is a mistake,
please give me a sign.” [ Laughter ] Kelsey really liked that joke.
-Yeah. -And finally, a weatherman in
Calgary wanted to show off how cold it is in parts of
Canada right now, so he left his clothes
out overnight. Take a look at what happened. [ Knocking ] [ Audience ohs ] [ Laughter ] Mike Pence calls those jeans
relaxed fit. We have a great show.