There’s a big political scandal involving Canadian
prime minister Justin Trudeau. And you may remember
that Trudeau just survived another scandal when he was
busted for doing brown-face 20 years ago
at an Aladdin party. But this time, my friends, Trudeau may have really gone
too far. NEWSWOMAN: Some doughnut drama
for Justin Trudeau. The only-in-Canada controversy
started with the prime minister tweeting a photo of himself
carrying boxes from the Oh Doughnuts shop
in Winnipeg to help fuel
a wintertime cabinet meeting. Some on social media
praised Trudeau for supporting
a local business. Others criticized him
for buying about $200 worth of elitist doughnuts instead of hitting
the local Tim Hortons at about a third of the price. (laughter) Really, Canada? That’s your scandal? Your prime minister brought
the wrong doughnuts? If this shit pisses you off, you guys wouldn’t last a day
with Donald Trump. (laughter, cheering) -Doughnuts?
-(applause) I can’t even believe
that’s a thing. Let me tell you something now.
If Trump had a doughnut scandal, he’d make it a real scandal. He’d be like, “Yes,
I had sex with that doughnut. (laughter, groans) But only because it promised me
dirt on Joe Biden.” Also, I love how
some Canadians are upset because they say Trudeau didn’t
go to the local doughnut shop. Tim Hortons.
That’s what they said. They said, “Why did you go
to this elitist place instead
of the local Tim Hortons?” Okay, there’s nothing local
about Tim Hortons, all right? It’s a giant corporation. Right? When these people go
to McDonald’s, are they like, “Oh, anything I can do to
help out my neighborhood clown.” I will say, though,
Justin Trudeau should be a little careful
with these doughnuts. Yeah. ‘Cause he could start eating
a chocolate one, get a little bit of the frosting
on his face, yeah, and then go to wipe it off,
and then it’s everywhere, and then he’s just like:
♪ I can show you the world… ♪ (laughter) All right, let’s move on to some news
from the world of tech. Tinder. It’s the app that helps
you find that special someone you could be with
for the rest of your night. -(laughter) -And now, after
years of getting people laid, Tinder is now trying
to get people safe. Well, the popular
dating app Tinder is unveiling
new safety features today. They include
a photo verification system, a panic button, and the ability
to call authorities to their exact location. Tinder will use this technology
as part of its safety features. Critics have complained
that Tinder has not done enough in the past to screen out
scammers and assault suspects. Yay. Good job, Tinder. No, seriously, anytime
you can make dating more safe, that’s something you should do. I just hope this feature
isn’t too Tinder-y, you know? If you can, like,
call for help on Tinder, I hope it’s, like, just help. I hope it’s not like,
“I need help! Send a cop! “No, not him. No, not him. “No, not him. Yeah, I guess.
He’s okay, okay, okay. Okay.” And I do think
it’s a good feature, but I know some people
are gonna abuse it. You know, like, you know
Mike Pence would be hitting that panic button all the time. Just be like, “Help me.
My woman date is wearing pants. Come soon!” But now that Tinder and Uber
both have panic buttons, I feel like every app
should have them. You know? Every app. Like, if you’re on Instagram,
and you accidentally like your ex’s
three-month-old photo, you should be able
to hit a button and then they send a team
to help you start a new life. All right, moving on. The World Economic Forum
in Davos, Switzerland, is wrapping up, and one
of the stars of the event was climate activist Greta Thunberg,
who blasted politicians for continuing to ignore
global warming. But now one of Trump’s minions
is firing back. NEWSWOMAN: U.S. Treasure
Secretary Steve Mnuchin unleashes a verbal attack on teen climate activist
Greta Thunberg. Both are at the World
Economic Forum in Switzerland. She said in a speech,
she wants businesses worldwide to stop investing
in fossil fuels. Mnuchin told reporters,
considering her an economist is a joke,
and she needs to come back after she goes to college
and gets an economics degree. Yeah. Steve Mnuchin,
U.S. Treasury Secretary and skin-covered stapler, says that Greta
should go to school before she comments
on the global economy. That’s what he said.
Those were his words. Like, “Why don’t you go
to school, Greta, before you comment
on the economy.” And that doesn’t make any sense,
because since when does the Trump administration listen
to anyone with an education? -(laughter)
-That makes no difference. Seriously, this is not
a White House that cares about qualifications, right? Their education secretary has
no education experience. They put a sleepy doctor
in charge of all urban housing. And the current head of the EPA
was a coal lobbyist. Right? Forget
an environmental science degree. This dude probably can’t even do
basic bird-watching. Yeah, he wouldn’t know
the difference between a red-breasted merganser
and a yellow-bellied sapsucker, you bird-ignorant
mother (bleep). (laughter) I mean, for crying out loud,
Ivanka, Ivanka Trump is an advisor to the president. What is her expertise? Huh? What is it?
Is Trump in a meeting like, “Ivanka, help us out.
We have to decide “whether or not to bomb Iran. “You sold shitty jewelry
unsuccessfully for ten years. What do you think?” (laughter)