Hi! Today I’m going to talk to you about I think I have a little tomato sauce there Today I’m going to talk to you about a term that often comes up when talking about harassment and relationships between men and women. It’s this idea that men can suffer from a certain sexual anxiety. Me, I’d pobably use the term ’emotional anxiety’ which would encompass sexual anxiety. Focusing on sexual distress instead of emotional anxiety is, I feel a bad way to frame this discussion. Perhaps you could say we all live with a certain kind of sexual, relational, and emotional anxiety. Whether it’s with capitalism, our consumption culture, with the decline of human relationships and human contact, with (even if I love them) the development of certain technologies, with what’s already the case for animals, which is to say that they’re not seen as living beings but as objects, goods, or tools you can easily see that this attitude now extends to animals of our species It’s not hard to see that certain people who are geographically distant from us and whose culture or ethnicity doesn’t resemble ours are considered less and less human there are so many things to take into account, in my opinion that I think we can talk about a kind of generalized ’emotional anxiety’ and not just an individual one even if there are obviously some exceptions. The problem is that, like I already said The discussion is about sexual anxiety, especially the sexual distress of heterosexual men I’m not saying that sexual anxiety doesn’t exist that’s not really what I want to say in this video what I want to say is that the way it’s been treated, the way it’s been conceptualized most of the time seems very problematic to me. First, because it always seems that the responsibility is put on women especially strong, independent, sexually liberated women, feminists, goddamned hysterical feminists who just need a good fuck women have supposedly become cold women have supposedly become calculating, venal they’re no longer interested in men since they’ve become liberated, since bad ideas have been put in their heads Flirting will never be the same again, relationships will never be the same again and therefore leads to the sexual anxiety of these poor heterosexual men. I find this troubling because if what’s causing men sexual anxiety which, according to some, is ubiquitous is women’s independence, their liberation the acquisition of new rights, a change in attitudes not all, but a change in certain attitudes well, it’s troubling. What does that say about the way in which men treat and have treated us? Certain men, of course. At least those men which we’re complaining about what does it say about how they perceive relationships how do they imagine them? I think that’s the most important question. That means that for certain men, to have sexual relationships, or sexual and emotional relationships or just to have an emotional relationship with a woman who is free who is independent and can have the final word who can hold her head up and behave in a way that’s not stereotypically feminine well, it’s impossible. Being a free, self-determined woman who decides for herself, a complex woman, is incompatible for these men, it’s incompatible with being in a relationship whether a sexual or a romantic one. But this problem, which might be so widespread according to some almost an unassailable truth rings a bit false given that feminists aren’t all sexually deprived- far from it- and that not all feminists are lesbians and that not all liberated women are incapable of having a family life They aren’t incapable of having boyfriends, and they aren’t incapable of having one-night-stands No. Maybe they’re less readily available Maybe they’re less likely to accept guys they don’t like Maybe they’re less likely to accept insults, or remarks that are sexist or humiliating, maybe they’re into guys who treat them better yeah, it’s possible. It’s possible. Maybe women have finally realized that they exist independently of the male gaze That being married isn’t a given, it’s not the only possibility that one doesn’t have to have a man. No. There you go. Maybe it’s that these women no longer desire to be involved with men men who think, and who have been taught to think throughout the years, that their sexual desire is the most important that it was to be satisfied at any cost and that women were there for that purpose maybe these women want to have relationships with men who respect them In this video I’m not talking at all about, not at all about men (or those who identify thus) who might be too shy ‘too shy’, who might be too reserved or so extremely uncomfortable in their own skin that they can’t manage to find the sort of relationship they’d like That’s not the kind of person I’m talking about at all. I think it’s obvious what kind of person I’m talking about. Let’s talk about what, as feminists, we get nagged about a lot namely that some men declare on TV that it’s become so difficult to be a man like what we saw with the open letter in Le Monde [from Catherine Deneuve et al] Essentially, that significantly changes the rules of the game to recognize that rape is a crime! Or to recognize domestic rape, sexual harassment at work, or sexual harassment in public… Alright already! Open your eyes to the intimidation, assaults, and harassment that women suffer! Yeah, it’s important! That basically changes the rules of the game But it doesn’t change the game for everyone. Because some men have always respected women some men have always understood the subtle difference (which isn’t really that subtle) (in my mind it’s pretty obvious!) between seduction, flirting a mutual, consensual exchange that makes both parties happy and a form of reification a subjugation of women either directly or indirectly not all men suffer from sexual anxiety and it’s not at all because they’re crazy rich and super hot a lot of men don’t suffer from sexual anxiety quite simply because they respect women and women recognize them as partners That’s all there is to it. A woman’s body is in no way a tool for the satisfaction of these men’s sexual desire which isn’t any more important than women’s who apparently live quite happily despite sometimes not having sex who are quite fine without always being satisfied and without feeling like they have to grope some guy on the metro Incredible. Incredible. And yet this supposed ‘sexual anxiety’ has been, since the dawn of time, the justification for prostitution And all sex work this isn’t about discussing the rights of sex workers, male or female, (even considering that most are female) that brings us back to this idea that men have this sexual desire that’s so much more powerful than women’s and needs to be satisfied at all costs at the risk of… what? otherwise we risk having rapists, or at least that’s what you always hear As for prostitutes, they’re performing a service for society because who knows what these men would do if they couldn’t get off? Such an incredible way of thinking, and yet it’s the same logic that underlies the idea of ‘sexual anxiety’ Why? Because of the principle that a man can’t take no for an answer because a man can’t live without the satisfaction without the almost immediate satisfaction of his sexual desire which means that if a liberated woman who would consent to a veritable sexual encounter tells him ‘no’ he has to get he has to get at the very least a body and he’ll go pay for it. If you really want to talk about sexual anxiety, heterosexual women would probably be the ones you want to talk about. When you look at the numerous, recent studies on the subject of orgasms and sexual satisfaction amongst couples during lovemaking (couple in as big of a sense as you’d like) you notice that heterosexual women are MUCH less satisfied than homosexual women and are less satisfied than heterosexual men And yet, you don’t hear women complaining left and right about their sexual anxiety on the contrary it’s tabou, which obviously isn’t good What I want to say is that despite a huge difference in the attitudes of men and women the facts are very different and would rather legitimize the frustation of these women Why? Because for certain men it is their due. They have to be satisfied. These women have to satisfy them. They have to have sex. and if you don’t humor them if you don’t give them what they want the problem isn’t theirs, it’s with these women who are emancipated, venal who think that they’re too beautiful, too good for them, etc. Lastly, a final point that seems very important to me talking about sexual anxiety seems important to me. It depends on how you talk about it. But I think that talking about sexual anxiety, for heterosexual men, who are the dominant group in our country whose desires are presented as being super important When you know that women don’t dare to affirm their own desires when you know that women often hide their feelings when you know that half of all women don’t regularly have an orgasm or have never experienced an orgasm when you know that there’s such a disparity in the representation of men and women’s desires to be sexually satisfied when you know that the men of our country were born into a co-ed society and have lived in a co-ed society they’ve had sex-ed they’ve grown up in a society, that, against all odds, know a kind of openness and freedom of speech and a sexual education And yet to speak of sexual anxiety in this instance seems to me a bit to me it seems that for them it’s I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense to me. On the other hand There is a situation where speaking of sexual anxiety could be interesting but in any case I’ll talk about emotional anxiety, in certain countries, where, because of the culture or the traditions, or often because of religion, there is, for everyone, a type of very important emotional anxiety because mixing of men and women is completely forbidden because sex before marriage is totally forbidden because marriages are often arranged because there are forms of excision and genital mutilation, etc in those cases, I think it’s on-topic and logical and necessary to talk about this emotional anxiety that’s real and to discuss it with many people who come from said country That’s real. And it looks different than this poor frenchman, or this poor european, or this poor westerner who complain because they got rejected two or three times, and whipping out a sexist joke didn’t help them lay some poor girl. To finish this video I’m going to leave you with a few comments that I found here and there on the internet to show you the frame of mind of these men who complain of sexual anxiety and I have to reiterate that it’s just these guys cuz I know a lot of guys who don’t have any sexual anxiety because they’re good people who respect women and likewise I know men who don’t really have any sexual relationships or emotional or romantic relationships because they’re shy and reserved or because they’re not that interested, or because they don’t conform to the masculine ideal or the virility that our society encourages which feminism fights, by the way but these guys aren’t generally the ones who bring up their sexual anxiety and then vilify women at the same time as they play the victim Laissez les bonnes commentaires rouler! “I’m going to respond with just one sentence that sums it all up, and you have to read between the lines, even if there’s a solid nugget of truth in it:” “Like anything else, a woman can be bought, especially if she’s French!” “It’s not about love, feelings, physique, character, or whatever other excuse they want you to believe, but rather it’s about the size of the wallet :D” “Do you ever see fat dudes with girlfriends? What about douchebags with girlfriends? Now, reverse the roles” “Ever seen a fat chick with a boyfriend? Yup. Dumb bitches? Yup.
Asymmetry!” “Men no longer dare hit on women out of fear of being charged with sexual harassment.” “I’ve never seen a beautiful woman go out with a broke dude. These days, only your social class and your appearance matter.” “[If you want to cure your emotional anxiety get yourself some friends]” “Aside from a gay, it’s really hard to have male/female friends. There’s always a physical attraction.” “Male/female friendship is a weapon for women (the friendzone).” “We’re talking about similar situations apparently because of course an obese 1/10 chick with a goiter like a pelican and oozing acne would be on the same level as an ordinary guy and should hit on him a bit.” “So, let’s just accept the idea that sexual anxiety like guys experience it doesn’t exist for women and anyone’ll confirm it for you. Your ugly, 50-year-old broad who works all the time only needs an hour to launch a hookup app and she’ll get laid. Trust me.” “Or if you still can’t, here’s a list of the inequalities in sexual supply and demand between men and women: “There are more 15-35 year old men than women
The offers of 18-30 year old women are monopolized by 20-50 year old men.
Women create a shortage of sexual supply by restraining their desires (‘I want a man who is romantic, takes the initiative, and I’ll sleep with him in a month’) and by stigmatizing prostitutes and easy women.
Men will do anything to fuck, including ruining themselves buying liquor, meals, and other things.” “[I know virgin girls who fool themselves into thinking they’re living in medieval times. Marriage first and all that.]”
“I like that better than decadent chicks that jump on dicks like no big deal.” “Women, unlike men, can have sex on demand. And yet they’re no happier than we are. Why not? Because it’s not the lack of sex, but the lack of affection.” “Especially the lack of real men. Even if they cry ‘equality, liberty, etc!’, women are happy when a strong man shows them the way and they can take care of their family in peace.” “Hi! and yes life is cruelly unfair! In France today a poor man or a man of modest means can’t, or will have a damned hard time, meeting a chick without automatically being labeled a perv, will rarely ever have a normal sexual and emotional life full of flirting, dates, sex, etc, with a woman.” “While on the other hand, a woman only needs to show off her ass on the web to make a bunch of dough without any worries.” “I sincerely believe it’s mostly this situation as well as religious extremism and feminist fascism that are the cause of all the bullshit in France.
The day they solve this problem people will be happier, more productive, and will start consuming again.” “Women go through the same assholes like musical chairs, and they have the same reaction for each chair ‘ooh la la, it’s an asshole!’
Meanwhile, nearby you’ve got some trusty benches that no one sits on.” “Human nature is simple, if someone tells you not to touch something, you want to touch it!
And even if someone else hurt themselves doing it before you, you still want to try to see if it really hurts or if the last person just sucked. “If something isn’t dangerous, there’s no need to test it.” “Brilliant analysis I’m sharing here, much to my chagrin, this claim that women often pretend to deny, to not see, or by pure selfishness laugh at what they might gain if they had their peice of the pie (sex, love).” “They treat men like dopes (those who hit on them), reject them without even flinching because they know that whenever they want they can satisfy their wants how they want. In these conditions, it’s hard not to become a misogynist or…” “I just finished watching your video, which was spot on from beginning to end. It depends on the country. France is so rooted in a caste system where money and status dominate and especially feminism, which French women, even the ugliest, think they’re models and are hostile to men. Go down to some of the southern countries where calories don’t count and you’ll see that WOMEN hit on MEN, and not the bougie little prep school boys but virile MEN!” “It’s a really simple reason, but it has to be pointed out: you want a girl? get a good-paying job and it’ll work itself out.”