Thomas: WHAT IS UP, EVERYBODY? Joan: Oh, s***. [Laughs] Thomas: Alright, here’s the fun thing. Thomas: ‘Coz I was trying to catch you off guard, hit myself plain in the nose. Talyn: Ohoho!
[Joan laughs] [Intro music] Thomas: What is up everybody! So, let me bring you up to speed, alright? Thomas: Me and my friend Joan – if you don’t know Joan, Joan’s right here. [Snaps fingers] [Popping noise] Boom. [Both laugh] Thomas: Me and my friend Joan were looking to get back into a new workout regiment. Thomas: And, so, basically, we decided to look at some, uh, old workout videos. Joan: Yeah, pop in like some, some Jean Simmons, wait. Thomas: Jean Simmons from KISS?
[Joan laughs] [all laugh] Thomas: You mean Richard Simmons. Joan: That’s the one. Thomas: Absolutely. Thomas: We didn’t get like 5 minutes into that video before we both looked at each other and were like, “We could totally do this.” Joan: Psshht. Thomas: So, we thought it would be a really good idea to provide our very own workout video for all viewers out there looking to get back in shape. Thomas: I mean, this is why you come to my channel, to get in shape. Joan: Right. Thomas: Um. [laughs] Thomas: But before we get started we actually need to have some like, workout clothes. Joan: I agree. Thomas: Yeah. Thomas: So without further ado.
[Snaps fingers] Thomas: Alright, that’s great. Oh, wow! That’s fantastic. Joan: Yeah, you too.
Thomas: I love that. Thomas: I just feel poured into this outfit, it’s just very empowering. Joan: Yeah. Thomas: Alright, so you ready? Thomas: You ready to start this workout?
Joan: I, I feel pretty empowered. Thomas: I love it.
Joan: I’m dressed like an Amazon. [Joan imitates superhero sound effects] [both laugh] Thomas: So, without further ado, we present our workout video! Talyn: Wait, do you wanna, pull your shirt a little? Thomas: Oh, yeah! [Talyn laughs] Show off that shoulder! Thomas: Hey everyone, and welcome to Ab-struction of justice! Thomas: I’ll be your instructor for the day, Thomas, Thomas: And this is my assistant, Joan!
Joan: Joan! Thomas: … I’m doing the intro, okay?
[Joan laughs] Thomas: Helping us today we’ve got our friend, Talyn – who’s gonna be recording from different angles.
[All laughing] Joan: The mat is moving underneath it.
Thomas: What happened? Joan: You’re slowly marching towards me.
[laughter] Thomas: That’s part of the exercise.
It’s called, “Mat Takeover.” Thomas: We’re gonna take you through several different exercises; arms, legs, and core. Thomas: Along with a brief cool-down. Thomas: Are we done marching? Cause I’m already tired.
Joan: Yeah, let’s – Thomas: Alright. We’re gonna start off with some simple stretches, alright? Thomas: The first stretch, we’re gonna stretch way up into the sky. Thomas: Yup. Really show off those shorts. Joan: And my pits. Thomas: Yup. Look at that.
Joan: Yeah. Thomas: Your wristbands totally look like Wonder Woman’s gauntlets. Joan: Yeah, that was intentional. And look I got a tiara. Thomas: Oh, look at that! Thomas: So, if you threw a lasso around me, would I have to be forced to tell you the truth? Joan: Yeah, what would you tell me? Thomas: I would tell you that… you look very good, right now. Joan: Yeah, that’s what I was fishing for. [Laughter] Thomas: Okay: So you take one arm around here Thomas: And, like, pull it over here, and you use this other arm to vice it in, alright? Thomas: Once you start hearing a snap – you’re probably going too far. Thomas: Now, you’re gonna take this other arm, bring it over your head, alright? Thomas: Bring this down, and you’re gonna push into the Earth – [Joan burps, then groans] – like this. Thomas: Right, the other hand – push down. Thomas: Down, like the dog is trying to get your food and you’re like no…
Joan: Down girl!
Thomas: Down girl! Joan: Can you touch your toes?
Thomas: Yeah. Joan: Oh, I can’t.
Thomas: Heck, yeah! Thomas: You can’t touch your toes?
Joan: It’s what I got. Thomas: Oh. I got this, right there.
Joan: Ugh. Thomas: Okay, now we’re gonna spread out legs, we’re gonna touch one toe… Thomas: Joan’s trying to push themselves a little too far, you don’t have to… Thomas: Just go as far as your body allows you to. Joan: I’m trying to feel the stretch dude.
Thomas: Don’t go any further than that though. Thomas: We’re now gonna go to the other toe
Joan: I – uh – wait, wait, wait… [both laugh] Joan: I’m like glitching over here.
[Thomas laughs] Thomas [singing]: Stretching it out! Thomas: And we’re done with stretches. Thomas: We’re gonna do some warm up exercises –
Joan: Yeah. Thomas: – starting with some jump ropes.
And no, we don’t have jump ropes, because Joan didn’t buy any. Thomas: So we’re just gonna use our imagination. Thomas: And… one, two, three, four, five – Joan: How many are we doing? Thomas: – eight, nine, ten – that’s a good question – Thomas: twenty-nine, thirty! Thomas: Stop picking your wedgies! Joan: I’m sorry! Thomas: Does Wonder Woman pick her wedgies? [Joan laughs]
Joan: I dunno.
[Thomas laughs] Thomas: Alright! So that was the end of the workout period, which is great, right? Joan: Warm-up period.
Thomas: What did I say? Joan: Workout.
Thomas: Well… that’s wishful thinking. [All laugh] Thomas: So that was the end of the warm-up period, and now we are moving onto arms. Thomas: Ready to really break out a sweat? Here we go. Thomas: Why did you give me these? Joan: They – uh – they only had one pair o’ gray ones. [Thomas sighs] Talyn [off-screen]: They match your outfit! Joan: Yeah!
Talyn: Look at that!
Thomas: I guess so… Thomas: Alright, we’re gonna start off with some curls. Thomas: Twelve reps.
Joan: Republican. Thomas: 12 Republicans
[Joan laughs]
Thomas: Here we go. Thomas: Feel that burn!
[speeds ahead] Thomas: And twelve.
You get the idea. Thomas: We’re gonna speed ahead like it’s an Instagram make-up tutorial. Thomas: Alright! So now we’re gonna be doing burpees. Thomas: It’s not what Joan’s been doing through the vlog. [Joan burps four times] [grunting sounds] Joan: Oh, I can’t do push-ups like I used to.
Okay, check it out. We’ll do modified burpees. Joan: Where you go down, and you just go into – kick your legs back and go into plank position. Thomas: Just don’t do any push-ups?
Joan: Yeah. Thomas: So we’re gonna do modified burpees.
Joan: [giggles] Yeah! [grunting sounds] [Talyn laughs off screen]
Thomas: That’s a lot harder to get out of. Joan: My mat’s getting messed up. Thomas: My legs are burning – [Talyn continues to laugh] – and that’s good! Thomas: Okay, we’re gonna do some squats, and apparently – Joan just told me – Thomas: Your knees can’t go past your toes when you’re squatting.
Joan: Yeah. Thomas: Legs shoulder-width apart. Ready?
Joan: Yes. Thomas: Squat – Joan: I’m worried about this one. Thomas: – and three. Thomas: Buns of Steel! Thomas: Eight… [Joan groans] Joan: Ah, f***. [Talyn laughs off-camera]
Joan: Ah, wait I – [unintelligible] Thomas: Ten.
Joan: I – I think I’m doing poorly. Thomas: And twelve.
Joan: No, it’s to just ten.
Thomas: I’m – Thomas: I’ve got a butt for a reason. Joan: …because we’re doing Jump Squats now. Thomas: This is ridiculous.
‘Kay, Joan’s gonna explain Jump Squats. Joan: [burp] I do the inital squat –
Thomas: There’s another burpee
Joan: Yeah. Joan: And then I down again and then jump up. Thomas: Oh boy. Joan: So squat, squat, jump. Squat. Thomas: Oh my goodness. Joan: I’m gonna take this off…
Thomas: Okay. Thomas: Ten jump squats! Thomas: Squat, up. Squat, jump. [speeds ahead] Thomas: Squat, ten! Joan: I hit the blinds with the booty.
[Thomas laughs] Thomas: Your butt’s too powerful. Joan: [pirate voice] Alright, my booty hit the blind. Joan: Now we’re gonna do calf raises.
Thomas: Calf raises are – Thomas: You take baby cows –
Joan: You steal them from their mother.
Thomas: – and you teach them how to play jazz. Thomas: They usually play the cowbell.
[cymbal crash] Joan: Close. But calf raises are actually when you go up on your tiptoes like that. Thomas: Hm. Up on your toes. Okay. I can do that, that’s easy. Joan: Yeah, we’re doing eighty. Thomas: Eighty?!
[Joan laughs] Thomas: It just looks like i’m awkwardly standing on a wall, waiting to dance at a local dance. Joan: So is anyone gonna ask me to dance?
[Thomas laughs] [Speeds ahead] Joan: My mat is all kinds of messed up.
Talyn: Yean
[Thomas counting in background[ [Speeds ahead] Thomas: Eighty. That was fun. I’m – I understand now why you said eighty, ‘coz that… that made it mildly burn. Joan: Well, good thing we’re gonna do that 3 more times. Joan: I might not be able to.
Thomas: Push down. Then lift up, then lift up. Joan: Oh geez. These weights are too tiny. But I’m too weak to lift larger ones.
[Thomas laughs] Thomas: Every now and again you’re gonna have a mental breakdown, and that’s okay. Thomas: Let’s just chill.
Joan: Let’s just do regular push-ups. Thomas: You wanna do regular push-ups?
Joan: Yeah. [Both laughing] Thomas: And now we’re gonna do some push-ups. You know what those are. Thomas: Two… I’m done. That’s… I don’t wanna do that. Joan: We got four more exercises. Thomas: We’re gonna see if we get through them! Joan: First is Russian hamstrings. Thomas: Okay, this is the partner exercise, right?
Joan: Yes. Thomas: So what does this entail? Thomas: So far, so awkward. Joan: Put your hands on my ankles, like hold them. Thomas: Like that?
Joan: Yeah, just like that, that’s perfect. Thomas: Okay.
Joan: I’m gonna lower myself as slowly as possible. [Thomas laughs]
Joan: And I’m gonna… catch myself… push myself up.
Thomas: Okay.
Joan: And pull myself back up like that. Thomas: That’s fun. Am I hurting your ankles?
Joan: A little bit.
Thomas: Okay [laughs] Thomas: Am I doing it right? Joan: Yeah.
Thomas: Oh, okay! Thomas: This is quite the view. Joan: Use your arms as little as possible to push yourself up. You mostly wanna lift yourself with your legs. Joan: Yeah, like that. Thomas: Oh… that is painful. [Joan and Talyn laugh] Thomas: Do you like my back up against your head like that? Joan: Yeah, it’s real good. [Thomas laughs] Thomas: Yeah! That’ll bring two friends real close together. Thomas: Okay we’re gonna do pelvic pulses and we don’t know if that what it’s called. Thomas: One, two… eight… this feels weird… nine, ten. Joan: So we’re doing plank circuits. Joan: We’re gonna plank. We’re gonna be on our forearms like this. Joan: After a minute passes we turn and do a minute over here. Joan: And then after that, do a minute over here. Thomas: Alright.
Joan: That’s a plank circuit. Thomas: Boy that minute went right by.
[Joan laughs] Thomas: Just kidding we have fifty-two seconds left! [Both laugh] Joan: Oh my God!
[Thomas laughs] Thomas: We just kinda chill for a little bit.
Joan: Yup. Thomas: Did you watch the new season of Master of None? Joan: Yeah, it’s so good!
Thomas: It’s so good! Thomas: You’re stomach is burning… just as hard as it burns when you laugh at a lot of Aziz Ansari’s very brilliant humour. Joan: He’s so funny and modern.
Thomas: He’s so funny… alright that timer’s done! Wooh! Thomas: Okay, come on, Joan. Come on, you got this. [Joan groans] Thomas: Yeah? [Thomas cheers] Thomas: Let’s give it up for planking, everybody!
Joan: Yeah! Thomas: Not that cultural trend that happened in 2011. Joan: No, it’s that real stuff. Thomas: It’s the real stuff. Joan: Yeah. Thomas: 4 seconds. Joan: Ow, it hurts so much. Thomas: Four seconds, three, two seconds, and go.
[Joan groans]
Thomas: We’re done. Thomas: What the heck? You cheater!
[Joan laughs] Thomas: You better not do that again. Joan: Okay, I won’t. [Both laughing] Thomas: Stop, you are completely on the ground! Thomas [whining]: I’m working out so hard!
[Joan laughing] Thomas: So we just got the – Joan: Whoooooh! Sorry. I’m exhausted! Thomas: Oh, it was good, s’good, I can hear that. So we just got done with the first round. Thomas: So, we’re going to treat ourselves to just a little bit of a light, healthy snack before moving on. Joan: The cookies are good… Donna: Treat yo self. Thomas: So now, we’re going to do all those, all over again. Thomas: Boom, one, two. Thomas: Seven… Thomas: Eight! Wait, no… Thomas: Eight! [Joan laughs] Thomas: And one – Joan: – der woman! Thomas: Two – Joan: – der woman! Thomas: No.
[Joan laughs] Both: Nine… Ten… [Thomas groans] Joan: Mmm, yes, growl like a tiger. Joan: Growl like Hodor in pain. Thomas: I don’t get the reference. [Joan laughs] Both: Six! Seven! Thomas: I’m really feeling the ice-cream churn. Thomas: You good?
[Joan sighs]
Joan: No. Thomas: Feeling the burns? Joan: Dude, I’m feeling something. Thomas: I’m feeling something, too. [Romantic music] [Both laughing] Thomas: So we got done with that second set! Before moving on to the third and final set, we’re gonna treat ourselves to another nice refreshment! [Popping sound]
[Thomas sighs] Thomas: This is great grape juice.
Joan: Yeah! Thomas: Mm, I’m just going for tone. Thomas: Burpees again? [Joan burps] Joan: Almost done! [Whining] My leg hurts!
[Both laughing] Thomas: Seventy-four…
Joan: The adrenaline’s kicking in! [Thomas groans]
Thomas: Feeling good. Thomas: Nineteen… Joan: Your body needs to be straighter when you do these planks.
[Thomas groans] Thomas: So now, we’re gonna do a little bit of a cool-down.
Joan: Which ain’t nothing!
Thomas: We’re good to go! Thomas: For the cool-down, we do jumping jacks for ten seconds, rest fifteen seconds, repeat ten times, and then do jumping jacks for another minute. Thomas: Oh, yeah! Like that!
Joan: Yeah – ah! Thomas: Oh, stop. Okay.
[They both laugh]
Thomas: That’s what you meant. Joan: Right. Our code word when we stop is gonna be Hodor. Joan [yells]: Hodor!
Thomas: You’re my best friend.
[Joan giggles]
Joan: You’re MY best friend! Joan: D’you think when Hodor starts a race he says Hodor, Hodor, HODOR!
[Joan laughs] Joan: Hodor can only say his name. He’s like “I am” – he’s like Groot. Thomas: I think I pulled my arm muscle! Joan: That’s good.
[Thomas screams]
Joan: My chest is hurtin’. Thomas: So that’s it! Thomas: We did it! Workout success!
[They all laugh] Thomas: That was a true, authentic Thomas and Joan workout vid.
Joan: Yeah, we killed it! Thomas: Hopefully you learned some things? Exercise is awesome!
[Thomas laughs] Joan: Yeah!
[They both laugh]
Thomas: Hopefully this was – at all – a good time for you. Thomas: I feel very sweaty. Joan: I’m not always working out.
Thomas: Yeah, this is new! It’s a wonder you were helpful at all. [Laughter]
Joan: It’s not new, it’s an old friend. Joan: How I’ve missed working out. I was better then.
[Thomas giggles]
Joan: I was a better me then. Thomas: Hey, but you know what? It’s never too late. You just get back on it again, and just –
Joan: Get back on that horse –
Thomas: … Get back on that horse… Joan: …And ride it!
Thomas: And ride it off! [Romantic music] Thomas: Why do I do videos with you?
[Both laughing] Thomas: Hope you enjoyed the video! Thank you so much for watching! Thomas: Thank you so much to Joan for being a part of this video, and thank you so much to Talyn for being a part of this video! They’re awesome. Thank you for helping to record, Talyn. Thomas: All of their information is down in the description below. Thomas: If you’re interested in my previous videos, click over here. If your new to the channel and would like to subscribe, you can click down here. Thomas: And, if you’re interested in becoming featured fander, you can click down there. Joan: Right there.
Thomas: That’s it, and until next time, take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Thomas: Peace out!
Joan: Hodor! Joan: I feel like we can do it all.
Earlier Joan: My leg hurts! Thomas: I think so!
Earlier Thomas: [Groaning] Thomas: I think we have enough knowledge –
Earlier Thomas: [Groaning]