Senate Majority Leader
Mitch McConnell has recently come under fire for
his Senate impeachment rules, his attempt
to rush through the trial and for his performance
in the movie Doolittle. But for more
on this speedy Senate trial, we turn to a man who is also
known for finishing quickly, Michael Kosta, everybody. -(cheering, applause)
-Mm-hmm. Okay. Michael… you’re at the capitol right now. Don’t these rules
seem restrictive? You know, maybe, Trevor,
but we need rules. Without rules,
civilization would collapse, and I would have
to put on leather and fight rabid dogs for water, and not for fun, like I do now. Rules are what make society. Like “stand to the right
on the escalator” or “keep quiet
when you’re in a movie theater.” And you know what
I’m talking about, Trevor. (laughter) Why would I know
what you’re talking about? Look, all I’m saying is, I think
Black Panther already knew someone was behind him–
he didn’t need your help. Well, I think I saved him.
But let’s move on. Uh, I get it, I get it,
I get it– we need rules. But it seems like
Mitch McConnell designed most of these rules
to help Trump instead of having a fair trial. Like, the length of the trial
is compressed. There might not be witnesses. Uh, come on, Mitch McConnell
is tough but fair. Look, look at these rules, okay? Each side gets equal time
to make their case. Okay? Republicans
will speak at 9:00 a.m., and then– tomorrow–
and then the Democrats will speak at 6:30
on Super Bowl Sunday, okay? And-and the witness rules
are equal, too. Both sides are free to subpoena
any of the contestants from Celebrity Apprentice. And hey, some of the rules
even favor the Democrats. This rule says that only
Democrats get free ice tea all day long, and it’s
right after the rule that says “absolutely no bathroom breaks.” -(laughter) -No bathroom breaks
and free ice tea sounds like
the Democrats are being set up. And, Kosta, look, it’s obvious
that Mitch McConnell is trying to brush this whole
impeachment thing under the rug. I mean,
the press have even complained that he’s restricted
how they can cover proceedings. Uh, that’s fine, okay? We don’t even need the press
in that room. Everything will be covered
by Mitch Magazine, okay? It… it’s like O Magazine,
but only for Mitch. It’s very unpopular. Now, if you’ll excuse me,
Trevor, I have to go. I had some of that free ice tea
for the Democrats, and I think
it gave me chlamydia, so… Kosta, ice tea
can’t give you chlamydia. Either way,
I have chlamydia, so… All right, well,
Michael Kosta, everyone.