Phil: Let’s do this mates Phil: When will we all be free of our old branding? Dan: Not today Philly, ’cause it’s that special time- Dan: that sp- Phil: There you go Dan: special time of year! Phil: *whispers* Let’s do it! Dan: But is it still “Phil is not on fire” because Dan re-branded, I mean, what is it now? Dan: Ph-Ph-Philiel Howell or what? Phil: No Phil: I guess no matter what you will always be danisnotonfire Dan and Phil: *laughter*
Dan: NOOO! Phil: Did you miss this tickle? Phil: *laughter* Dan: Did-
Phil: It tickles in a good way!
Dan: “Did you miss this tickle?” is the creepiest thing Dan: anyone could ever say to anyone
Phil: Look… Dan: I did miss the smell… *inhales*
Phil: Yeah Dan: here we go- oh Jesus
Phil: Sniff it up Dan: Blugh! IT’S IN MY MOUTH IT’S IN MY EYES Dan: WOOO! HERE WE GO! Phil: Whisker
Dan: Ooo! Good scrape Phil: Whisker
Dan: Oh damn that’s some exfoliation Phil: Whisker!
Dan: Pores who? I don’t know her! Phil: That’s good! Phil: I want this to be a whiskery work of art! *punch sound* Oww!! Dan: Whisk uno!
Phil: Bom! Dan: Whisk duo!
Phil: Bink! Dan: Whiskin’ the tri!
Phil: Blam! Phil: They’re good
Dan: Thank you Phil: They’re quite long
Dan: You’re an aged cat, and I’m a little kit! Dan: MLEUGH! Phil: What is the sexiest name out there? Dan: G-Gr- Dan: Greg! Phil: Greg?! Dan: Nothing gets me riled like a hard G Phil: Stop!
Dan: Don’t define that in your head Dan: Try to jump-scare each other at some point in the video Phil: Challenz a– Challenz?? Dan: Challenz aptepblinkabom
Phil: Challenz accepted Dan: Watch me, dad!
Dan: Crow pose! Dan: Fringe or quiff?
Phil: Fuiff! Dan: ARM WRESTLE EACH OTHER!
Phil: Bring it on! Dan: Are you ready
Dan: umbrrrrrrraahhhh let’s do this!
Phil: Brrrrr- Phil: brratch out-
Phil: for my brrrrarms Dan and Phil: *laughing* Phil: we need a-a hard surface
Dan: Your mum Dan and Phil: *laughing* Phil: Wh- what does that even mean? Phil: I’m right handed!
Dan: Well, I’m just making it clear that I’m left-handed Phil: Well that means that that’s your left hand…
[cricket noises] Phil: *laughing* Oh that’s your right! Phil: That’s my right, that’s my left, this is your right! Dan: This is why Phil doesn’t drive a car!
Phil: I don’t know anything! Phil: What is the plural of goose? Gooses or geeses? Dan: wait- Phil: *northern accent* GO! [Horn sounds]
[dramatic music] [dramatic music] Phil: Place your bets now!
[dramatic music] Phil: OH! Phil: Dan wins! Dan: Reenact Stranger Things Phil: I am Eleven, give me some Eggos!
Dan: *Demogorgon snarl* Dan: *squealing*
Phil: I’m having a nosebleed! Dan: How would you celebrate your birthday? Phil: Water slide of marshmallows! Dan: Recreate the Steven Universe opening Dan and Phil: *singing* We are the crystal gems Dan: *singing* we’ll always find a day!
Phil: *singing* we’ll always save the way! Dan and Phil: Save the way!?!?! Dan: Find a day??
Phil: I tried! I tried. Dan: *Deep and gurgled* AAAAAA Dan: Convince my mum, Jackie, to go to Interactive Introverts! Phil: Look Jackie, don’t be wacky
Dan: Oh he went there Phil: come to our tour, it won’t be a… bore
Dan: Don’t be a bore! Phil: That was where I was going with it! Dan: *mumbling* you’ll have a good time and… stuff
Phil: please come to our tour Dan: *quiet and high pitched* please come?? It’ll be fun??? Dan: “Can y’all do the crab walk up the stairs?” Can y’all want us to freaking die or what?? Phil: This’ll be the last video of me on the internet!
Dan: No, we’re not do- we’re not doing that! Phil: I could do it!
Dan: Go on then! [transitional sound effect]
Dan: *singing* Crab time activate! Flex that spine!!
Phil: Can’t do it. Ugh got one! Dan: Oh Jesus, oh my God that’s so precarious
Phil: Two! Phil: Augh fu-
Dan: Nonononono okay stop! Dan: Stop!
Phil: Owww my bum!
Dan: Stop, cancel!
Phil: And my- my elbow! Dan: *mumbling* Do an impression of the YouTuber and see if the other person can guess it just from the impression. Phil: Hi! My name is [DA- Dan: Oh f*beep* off! f*beep*ing hell really??
Phil: *laughing* Phil: That’s the..
Phil: That’s a…
Dan: Really?! Phil: That was the youtuber!
Dan: For God’s sake! Phil: Danis snot on fiyaa Phil: Dan, you’re slime. Phil you’re a famous slime Instagram account. Satisfy us!
Dan: Excuse me?? Phil: Shall I be an ASMR slime channel?
Dan: I don’t know I–I don’t– okay he’s touch- [Fireside plays]
Phil: Grab hold of your slime, and massage it, and shove your fingers deep- Dan: DON’T SHOVE YOUR FINGERS ANYWHERE! Phil: Slime! Dan: RACE each other to see who can tie a tie the fastest!
Phil: Obvs me! Phil: What if it’s a… TIE?
Dan and Phil: GOOOOHHHHHHHH!! Dan: *sound of Dan choking himself* Dan: Hey Phil why the hell do you drink out of a vase?
Phil: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Dan: Three, two, one, GO! [Mariachi music] Phil: oh my god
[Mariachi music] [Mariachi music] Phil: Oh!
[Mariachi music] [Mariachi music] Phil: There done!
[Mariachi music] [Mariachi music] Dan: OH MY GOD IT WAS EXACTLY THE SAME TIME! WHAT THE FRICK?!
Phil: It was a tie! It was an actual tie! Phil: Do Jughead’s “I’m a weirdo” monologue. [dramatic music]
Dan: In case you haven’t noticed: I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. [dramatic music]
Dan: I don’t fit in. [dramatic music]
Dan: I don’t WANT to fit in. [dramatic music]
Dan: *heavy breathing* [dramatic music]
Dan: Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? [dramatic music]
Dan: IT’S WEEIRRRRRDDDDD!!! Phil: Are we all just dogs having a horrible nightmare of being human?
Dan: *inhales dramatically* Dan: Do a Truth Bomb!
[#spon sound effect]
Phil: *lightly muffled* What a great game! Phil: What would you buy me in a Secret Santa?? Dan: A b- box of cereal filled with knives!
Phil: Why?? Dan: Because then maybe you’d learn your lesson, Dan: Lester!
Phil: Well luckily I like the taste of KNIVES! Dan: BAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Phil: *Jumps like a Frightened Deer* Dan: Oh, forgot about that didn’t you! Phil: That was horrible!
Dan: *singing* Philly forgot about the first question! Dan: PHIL! You suddenly have a dog! Quick, name it! Phil: Peter! … Wha? Phil: that’s such a rubbi- It’s an alright dog name! Phil: Daniel, pretend to be a merman while Phil is a sailor at sea. Dan: Oh no… *nautical music*
Phil: Yarr, be gone with ye, ye squiggly mer-fiend! Dan: Hey there, Seaman
Phil: Nooo… Dan: Wanna inspect my gills?
Phil: No! Phil: Stop it!
Dan: That is the worst thing I’ve ever said Dan: Do an intermission dance [intermission music] Dan: Choose a random photo in the other person’s phone and try to expose them Phil: OHHH! Phil: What is it? Phil: NOOOOO!!!
Dan and Phil: *laughing* Phil: That was too cringe to post!! Phil: I was just checking out my outfit!
Dan: Look at that pose! Phil: Ohhh, stop it
Dan: Was that a front-camera as well? Phil: Yes..
Dan: You were like, “I think I look nice in this jacket!”
Phil: *muffled* Oh, stop! Phil: Okay, I need my revenge, I need- *sinister laughter* Dan: I don’t wanna know.
Dan: What? [fail sound effect] Dan: NOOOO!!!! Dan: That doesn’t count! That was me testing the f- Phil: Oh, “testing”
Dan: F- Oh for God’s sake Dan: It was! I was like-
Phil: Just caught me resting my hand Dan: Shut up! [intermission music] Phil: What am I doing? *laughs* Phil: Dan, you’re a newscaster and the world’s about to end! Dan: *singing* Celebrate good times come on!
Phil: Oh ya! Dan: Wear the cheese costume [dramatic music] for the next question!
Phil: Oh no. Why?! Dan: Make a dad joke about the item closest to you Phil: Cheese? Uhhh… Phil: You could just call me “Red Leicester”
*bah dum tss* Dan: *groans*
Phil: *chuckles* Phil: Dan, wear the cheese costume! Dan: Are you joking?
Phil: No, that’s what the question is!
Dan: *groaning loudly* Phil: How does it feel?
Dan: Like my self-esteem is full of holes. Phil: Phil, G-note Dan! Dan: Okay, I know what that refers to but that sounds really inappropriate so- Phil: *G-note* (actually a B)
Dan: *panicked noises* Phil: Come here a sec?
Dan: What? Phil: The um- I’ve done something to my notes app, it’s being- Phil: RAAHHHH
Phil: *laughter* Phil: *clapping* I got you!! [dramatic music] Phil: I didn’t think I was gonna get you in the video! Dan: *screeches* AS CHEESE?!
Phil: As cheese! Phil: Double points!
Dan: How could you?! Phil: YASSS Phil: For some reason it’s even more disturbing when you wear it Phil: so please get changed Dan: Ripped jeans and cheese!
Phil: Stop! [runway music]
Dan: 2018 trends comin’ at ya! Phil: Do the next chayn- chaynal? Phil: chaynal? chaynal?? anal??? Phil: Do to the– *laughs* do the next question in the gaming channel room! Dan: OHHH!
Phil: How random!
Dan: QUIRKY! Dan: Pick an outfit from your own closet and dress the other person.
Phil: *chuckles menacingly* Dan and Phil: *American accent* Closet! Phil: I mean, this seems like a normal shirt
Dan: Stand up, show us Phil. Phil: until… Phil: DUN DUN DUUUUN!
Dan: AWOOWOOOO! Dan: Oh yes, Phil!
Phil: But it’s so long! Dan: Good flesh exposition! Dan: You look like a weird vampire version of Phil.
Phil: I don’t think the cat whiskers help. Phil: Come on Dan! Dan: This could not be less appropriate for me.
Phil: It suits you! Dan: Look at this sh- *beep*
Phil: It’s amazing! Dan: *seductively* Omelette du fromage Phil: *shouting* What are you?! Dan: An idiot sandwich! Dan: Hey Lester,
Dan: try to do a leg-dab! Phil: A leg dab?! [airhorn sound effect]
Dan and Phil: *laughing* Dan: Bread fight!
Phil: Ahh!! Dan: You lose!
Phil: Why do I lose all the fights?! Phil: Dan, do the Pennywise dance [jazz music]
Dan: *strange snorting noises* Phil: Dan will you straighten your hair one last time?
Dan: No [dramatic music] [dramatic music]
Phil: No! My liege! [dramatic music] Phil: *laughs* Dan: *gurgling sounds* Phil: Design each other tattoos
Dan: The big M Dan: [explosion sound] Dan: This is the worst Dan: imaginable scenario, Dan: Phil giving someone a tattoo without them being able to see what’s happening Phil: What? It’s not, it’s perfect! Dan: You’re done? You’re done already?
Phil: I’m done, I’m done! Phil: Yeah.. Phil: It’s a rat! *laughs* Phil: It’s a reminder of your true self Dan: Thank you.
Phil: *dinging sound effect* Ding!
Dan: It’s beautiful Phil: *singing to the tune of Destiny’s Child’s Bootylicious* I don’t think I’m ready for this tattoo It feels very squiggly Dan: Mmmm Phil: Are you just doing a squiggle? Dan: Noooo Dan: It’s a- it’s a fine… work of art Phil: What is it?
Dan: So you can ne-… Dan: It’s me!!
Phil: *laughing* Oh yeah Dan: So you can never forget who your bestest friend is Phil: Awwww Phil: BURN IT! Dan: Phil,
Dan: get a bottle of Ribena and recreate this [Fireside plays]
Phil: What?! I can’t do that! [Fireside plays]
Dan: Come on Phil!
Phil: Alright. Dan: Flip it! Dan and Phil: *laughing* Phil: Never again!! Phil: I’m deleting my channel! *Dan still dying of laughter in the background* Dan: After,
Phil: Too much Dan: nine years
Phil: It’s over Dan: THAT was your lowest moment! *Children cheering sound effect*
Phil: Well there we go! *Children cheering sound effect*
Dan: Another year, a whole new bunch of stuff to regret! Phil: Yes, let’s try and scrub these whiskers off for about two weeks Dan: Now before we go Phil: Something you might not know Dan: Very important
Phil: Very exciting, we are going on tour next year Dan: That’s right! Dan and Philly Dan: 2018 World Tour Phil: Interactive Introverts Dan: New stage show Phil: Yeah! We’re going to all of these places on the screen now Dan: Around basically the whole world Phil: The website is danandphiltour.com if you want to get tickets Dan: You can see where we’re going,
Dan: when we’re going And get the tickets and then you can see us in real life Phil: And it’s something to get now to look forward to next year Phil: A little treat for yourself
Dan: It’s something to live for Dan: Dan and Phil
Phil: Doesn’t matter who you are, how old you are Dan: Up in your face Phil: You’re gonna have a great time Dan: Real life Dan: action Phil: Yeah Dan: It’s gonna be good Phil: Yeah, promise Dan: It’s better than… Dan: this Dan: Not that this is bad Dan: It’s just different Phil: it’s different Phil: So give us a big thumbs up if you enjoyed this video Dan: I’ve got like 15 seconds of consciousness left
Phil: Yeah Dan: ’cause of these sharpie fumes Phil: You can subscribe to Dan by clicking on his bubble
Dan: Get crackin’. Thank you Phil: Subscribe to me, clicking on mine
Dan: Click there Phil: Gaming channel’s in the middle Dan: A whole world of Dan and Phil content Phil: *singing* A whole new world Dan: And we’ll see you next time if we survive Phil: Goodbye!