– Well hi babes. You know what is so deliciously hot to me? When I’m with a person I like and there’s a little bit of sexual tension and then they lean over and they’re like, “Can I kiss you?” (screaming) I don’t make that sound. usually. Why is it so sexy? Because they ask for
consent, if it was okay. Which shows one, they respect me and two that they’ve got some basic sexual communication down. Hot. But consent isn’t just hot, it’s also mandatory. Sexual contact without
consent is assault or rape. Here’s the thing, people often think of sexual coercion as something that’s violent
or physically restraining. In really sexual coercion
is often much more subtle, it happens between two people who know and maybe even trust each other. The perpetrator will use
pressure, manipulation, drugs, alcohol, and force
to initiate sexual contact without permission. And worse, in the real
world, sexual coercion is often seen as acceptable. You know, like pushing
someone over and over and over after they’ve said no or
throwing yourself on someone without warning because it’s romantic. Ohhhh, that shit’s not romantic. It’s just creepy and assaulty and rapey. So can people just, can you
not, can you not do that? Are you enjoying yourself? How does that feel? Do you like that? Do you want me to keep going? How far do you want to go? You look uncomfortable, are you okay? Good consent is basically
just checking in. It’s paying attention to
someone’s body language, how they’re doing. It’s keeping those lines
of communication open so that everyone’s on the same page and everyone feels safe and comfortable, which means this is not
how you ask for consent. Uh-uh, nope. Come on I thought you liked me. I promise you’ll like it. Just do it for me. What’s the big deal, we’ve had sex before. I’m so horny right now. You liked it last weekend. Douchebag alert. Also potential rapist alert. Rapists often see sex as
something that’s owed to them. Sex is never something
that’s owed to someone. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been flirting, if you hooked up before,
if they bought you dinner. Not even if you’re naked. Pushing someone until they finally give in is not consent because you’re basically not giving the option to say no. So how can you know if someone
is consenting once you ask? Yes please. Um-hum. Oh man that feels so good. ♫ Touch my body, put me on the floor ♫ Um-hum keep going. I’m down for anything in these areas, but not these areas. Yeah right there. Why yes I would like that. Notice how consent is a clear yes. It’s enthusiastic. I want it. It’s out loud and there’s
no doubt in your mind. Remember, consent can always be retracted. So if you feel like the
vibes have kind of changed or you’re unsure, getting mixed signals, you want to check in. This is what no might sound like. I don’t like that. Can you stop? I’m not ready for this. Can we slow down for a second? I’m not into this anymore. I guess, if you want me to. Please don’t. Just because someone doesn’t say no doesn’t mean they’re saying yes. They might feel uncomfortable, or guilty, or not know how to say it. That is why it’s really
important to hear that verbal out loud yes and if they’re being quiet, ask them, “Hey, how you doing, what’s up, “how’s it going, everything okay?” And that my dear is
basically in a nutshell is how you practice good consent. So now I want to talk
about some situations where consent cannot happen even with a verbal yes. Sometimes people get drunk. You may have learned this about the world. When it comes to sex a
little bit of alcohol isn’t a big deal, but if
they’re too drunk to drive they’re too drunk to give consent, period. Getting sexual with someone who’s wasted, slurring their words, their body is limp, they can’t communicate clearly,
maybe they’re throwing up, that’s absolutely sexual assault. Let’s all do the right
thing and take care of them, not take advantage of them. Sometimes when I’m at school, people ask me, “Well what if they’re both “really, really drunk?” It’s pretty simple. Sex is an active thing. It requires the intentional action of at least one party to get it done. Remember, sex isn’t something
that happens to someone, it’s something that happens together. Both people participating
like this, kind of. Having sex with someone who is intoxicated or in this compromised
state is against the law. You can be expelled and
you can go to jail for it. Age of legal consent, it varies by state, it varies by country, but for an adult to have sex with a
minor is statutory rape. In general, when people are in two very different parts of their life, it raises some red flags. This ties in with situation number three. When you old authority over them. You can’t get consent from someone who you have power over. So I’m talking about things
like teachers and doctors, therapists, coaches, priests, caregivers, famous actors, maybe even famous YouTubers with their fans. One party depends on the
other when they trust them, rely on them, when they idolize them, it severely impairs
their ability to consent. Why? Power dynamics like these come with strong underlying vulnerabilities, which can give the
appearance of consensual sex when it’s actually exploitative. You know, someone abusing their power. You need to make open lines
of communication and consent just a standard normal part of sex. Not a situation where most
teenagers can’t even describe what consent is. But we do have the power
to change as individuals and by spreading this
information to other people. We can help to create something
called consent culture. That’s a culture where
all of the sex that is had is sex that is wanted and
that’s how it should be, but that’s not how it is. Give me all the consent. I’m ready. I love you all so, so much and I will see you again next time. Bye, bye.