okay, done it – right… also I’m gonna like subtitle
this because I know people struggle with my accent, even I struggle with my
accident, I don’t blame your poor sods so the least I can do is translate me for
you. So what is my role exactly? I am a persecutor but I also have a job of
being a sexual alter, so let’s backtrack a minute yeah? so alters are generally
scientifically classed as either an apparently normal part or an emotional
part. ANP’s don’t carry trauma, whereas ep’s do. To make things a little more
complex alters can also be a mixture of the two When you start breaking down
alters into general categories such as persecutors, protectors and so on, these
can fall into either one of the ANP or EP categories. Look at me talking all
smart acting like I know what I’m doing! I don’t really I’m lying – it’s easy
when it’s been written down for you and scripted… I did write this script by the
way! I’m not as green cabbage looking I’ll have you know! okay so, a DID system can
label their parts using these different categories in kind of which ever way
they feel suits them. So some may cross over into several roles, but I’m just
here to talk about me today, aren’t you unlucky! A persecutor is a common type of alter that often internalizes the hate they may act in a harmful way but there
is a protective logic behind the persecutors actions. Even if they will
shout and scream and tell you otherwise. so, take an example of how a persecutor
persecutes – here’s a trigger warning for a random example given about weight: if
someone grows up in a household where they’re kind of told they ain’t skinny
enough, the persecutor then may self-injure or disallow food, in order
to kind of punish the host or the body but in reality this is kind of to defer
and protect from hearing them words again and to conform to that expectation, even if it’s unrealistic that’s kind of where the head stays at
like, right, “if I do this then I won’t hear that”. Even if it’s not a conscious
thought the persecutor, you’ve got to ask yourself, “right why are you acting in
that way? why is this persecutor acting in that way?” Find the route and it’s
kind of two plus two equals four. Okay so that the end of that trigger warning. My
lush Jamie prefers to spout the notion that persecutors are simply misguided
protectors I wanted to like, whoop him upside the
head when he first told me that! I was in the place of deep denial
disbelieving that I was anything apart from bad and edgy, you know, and to make
me out to be a snowflake like that or somebody with an insecurity or a flaw,
really didn’t sit well with me. That went against my role, so I didn’t accept it. It’s
taken me a lot of years to kind of understand why I act the way I do. But that’s all part of healing innit with DID? DID is a logical disorder: think about
the logic, think about why you behave the way that you do. It makes sense that
sometimes it’s a shitty reality to face and accept, but the reality is in order
to like heal, all alters should be treated with like equal kindness, despite
their behaviors. And again, I didn’t feel I was deserving of that so that was a
difficult thing for people to impose on me, that was a difficult thing for people
to offer, so if you’re working with persecutor and you’re finding it very
difficult, that’s probably why, because that goes against everything that kind
of… we’re made to feel, and we’re made to do. Love is kind of not on that checklist –
at least not in my case. Some alters may even be introjects of past ab*sers which
obviously makes things even more difficult. So literal persons who hurt
the body, but there are resources as well to support this, and I will do the nice
thing and stick it in the description below if you want more information about
that. Okay I hate talking about this one… so not that I should be ashamed
I can’t help but feel it is pretty fucking shameful… It never used to bother me years ago, but as time goes on the reality of it gets more difficult as a
s*xual alter – obviously a trigger warning here for like, s*xual talk.
Obviously as a s*xual alter, I was created to handle that kind of stuff,
whether it’s a leery bloke on a night out or some gross perve cat calling you,
guarantee that like, I’m out. Does that make me a thirsty bitch? No. Trust me when I say I’m at total war with myself about reveling in the attention, versus
absolutely despising it. It’s kind of like, logically I know it’s awful, but my
instincts kind of yearn for that attention, because that’s the way I’ve
been made. I don’t seek it, but if I get it, I’m happy and I shouldn’t be, does
that make sense? Because that brings that kind of..
love and acceptance in a kind of a harmful way that I’d… you know… just a bad way of putting your cogs in, isn’t it? It’s kind of a bad core belief to have and be nurtured around, isn’t it, but it’s there and it’s something I’m getting over. S ome
authors with this role can be hyper s*xual, others like me won’t be, and
that’s totally chill. Why do I do this? Because
my host can’t handle it well… and it’s kind of not by choice or by decision, you don’t just wake up today and be like right I’m gonna be the s*xual one… you’re just
made that way, that is your role, that is your purpose, it’s a work in progress. You
know we’ve been with Gaz, our hubby, for 12 years now, and it’s still like rowing
up a fucking stream with toothpicks. I think that’s what upset me the most…
actually, you guys might recall when we did that Sunday Night Live Australian
program, and “my alter has s*x with my husband” kind of taglines seemed to make the headlines without any context behind it. I would think that was a really
fucking sensitive topic and my ab*se history is not your tagline, so… yeah… that
let me with a nasty taste in my mouth after that, but I’m past it, I’m over it,
we’ve moved on… I don’t blame the show, I blame the media, that
that kind of… took off from it, if that makes sense.
End of that palava, and I’m getting off my pedestal… So, if you wanted to know all the magical labels of me, the way that we have identified me, is an ANP slash EP persecutor or “misguided
protector” if you want to use Jamie’s term, who is also a s*xual type alter.
Identifying and categorizing alters ain’t always easy business and you don’t
have to categorize and identify alters if you don’t want to, there’s no pressure,
and nobody’s making you, but I hope my story gives you a good example of how to
conceptualize things. Oh my days are we really saying this cheesy one-liner from
here on in…? Alright then… “And that is another puzzle pieced together…” fuck me sideways…
Okay, we hope that you have been hashtag #EducaDID on persecutors and s*xual
alters: Alter types & Alter roles… also a big shout out to traumadissociation.com for all their fabulous resources that we’ve used today, all of their links and
everything will be in the description that we’ve used as a reference below. If
you’d like to support what we do, don’t forget to like, share, comment & subscribe as it really does make a difference to promoting and ending the stigma of DID, and if you’d like to support future projects why not buy us a KO-FI or
become a patron… all of the links including the reference materials for
today are in the description below- you can see I’m just giving up and reading off the bloody board now can’t you? Okay, that’s it from me now guys – stay true, stay you, stay
gorgeous – mwah!